I think there are two things that may be going on and both could be related to being on the spectrum. First, we tend to show we care by doing practical things for our friends, like fixing their problems. I’ve found that this can annoy people sometimes. Often when a friend complains about a problem, they’re more interested in having sympathy than in having the problem fixed. In this sense, working on your friend’s problem may appear to others as you being too involved. Most people would just offer sympathy to their friend and assume the problem will get taken care of.
The second thing that may be going on is we tend to form intense friendships and put a lot of focus on our friends. Most people seem to have a variety of friends that they spread their attention around to, while aspies are more likely to have a small number of friends who they are more intensely engaged with. I think this is where the idea of loyalty comes from.
There’s not anything wrong with these atypical ways of relating to people but they can be misconstrued as being too involved. One thing you should be careful about is listening to your friends’ wishes. It’s okay to think about a problem and make suggestions but actually stepping in and doing something about a friend’s problem without their consent could cause a lot of problems for both of you. Just putting that out there because I’m not sure what you mean exactly by “behind the scenes” in your comment.
Neurotypical privilege is being all preoccupied with the idea that disorders like autism and ADHD are ‘overhyped’ and overdiagnosed while not seeming to care much at all about the problems that people that actually have it face. (Note: I’m not saying that…
Probably not. I was afraid of this for a long time.
me too. turns out i wasn’t!
When this came up on my dashboard yesterday, it was … sobering.
I think of my CFS as “not all that bad” (there’s always someone worse off, etc).
But I’m stuck below 30 at the moment and have spent some time below 20 in recent months. In the last six years I’ve been below 50 almost all the time. 40 feels like an amazing peak of health and energy to me, when I’m there. Trying to treat myself as though I were at the 60 or 70 level at those times has had really awful consequences. Sometimes I could front for a while, but the crashes that followed were epic.
So … while I think I’ve been getting better at being gentle with myself, I’m almost certainly still expecting too much.